I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
