Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
