Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize