She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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