Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
