im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
