First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
