Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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