Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
