My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
