Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
