You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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