I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
