i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
