If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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