I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
