Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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