I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My cat gives me a boner
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
