conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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