When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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