You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
