I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
