oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.