she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.