your thong is hanging out like whoa
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.