Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.