This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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