Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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