Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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