I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.