is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So much rum. So many feels.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background