I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza