one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online