I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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