I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize