You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
