She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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