He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
