david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
