My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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