why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
