Don't make out with my wife yet
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
