He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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