I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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