Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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