Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
