My room smells like vodka and shame
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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