I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
