I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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