He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
