and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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