Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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