Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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