Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
