Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
