So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im six kinds of drunk right now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
