Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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