gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
