I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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