I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
