I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize