The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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